If You Can't Beat 'Em...

My son just won the Christianity Award at school! Mind you, the first thing he did with his little pewter crucifix was wave it madly in the air and yell at his classmates "IN YOUR FACE!"

*Sigh*.

This little award has been a looong time in coming. You see, my son has a classmate, let's call him 'Lester'...now Lester wins a lot of awards. Lester is a good Christian ALL the time. Lester's mom volunteers at the school every day and makes the awesome cakes for the bake sale. Lester's dad is a cop and comes in to talk to the students on career day. They even take pictures in his squad car.

I am so tired of hearing about Lester, because Lester is obviously a perfect student and a perfect child, and his family is a friggin beacon of friggin perfection. And the teacher is in love with perfect Lester and his family. Every day I hear my son complain about how Lester gets all the rewards, and how the teacher always wants him to act like Lester. You see, Lester is patient and cooperative and obeys all the rules. My son is not. (That is why Lester wins the awards - he EARNS them.)

So I tried to explain to my son that he too should try to be patient and cooperative and obey all the rules. But my son preferred a more Machiavellian approach: he would watch Lester closely, waiting for a slip-up, and then rat out the "perfect" child.

Did I mention that this is Junior Kindergarden?

Anyhow, my son has grown up a lot in the past few weeks. He's given up on the 'trash Lester' mission, and decided 'if you can't beat 'em, join 'em'. And he did it! He won the damned - I mean, blessed - award! So I am happy in two ways: proud that my son has done so well, and relieved that he now realizes that he is just as good and just as precious as Lester.

Ok, and the fact that the perfect little family got their asses kicked! Ha! So much for little Mrs. Bake Sale! Well guess what? The kids like my store-bought brownies just as much! And Mr. Police Officer, why don't you spend more time POLICING the streets instead of acting friggin macho for 4-yr-olds, eh? Yeah, that's right, I'd rather sleep than do career day! I am just too friggin tired! So there! This award goes out to the overtired overworked half-asses everywhere!

Wow, that feels better.




Oh, and congratulations sweetie. I am so proud of you.