Axe Murder

For my family, a trip to the local Walmart is like a scene out of an Indiana Jones movie - there's running, screaming, heroics, minor injury, cynical humour and the odd romantic moment. Fortunately, no one dies.

Well, not yet anyways.

Last week's adventure was no exception. We stopped at the McD's on our way out as a special treat for the kids (and us). We were a little short of change, so we bought just 3 sundaes, one for each child, even though I had a hot fudge craving like you wouldn't believe. Surely, I thought, I can just take a little scoop of my kids' sundaes, right?

Wrong.

My lovely 2-yr-old daughter was a *little* ticked off that mommy had a spoonful of her hot fudge sundae. I swear she didn't even SEE it happen...we appropriately distracted her and while her head was turned I took a quick spoonful and shoved it in my mouth. But she KNEW. Maybe it was the guilty look on my face. Maybe it was the fact that 1/20th of her sundae was now missing. Maybe it was because the boys were pointing at me accusingly. I will never know. But she knew I did it, and that was a BAD thing.

Oh yes, there was screaming. Oh yes, there was public humiliation. Oh yes, there was food thrown. My genteel little one smashed her fists on the table and then sprung out of our booth and sprawled on the floor yelling like it was the end of the universe - over one frigging spoonful of icecream.(Did I mention the boys started to eat faster at this point?)

So, me and Miss. Hissyfit made a quick escape to the little girls room, where she was able to yell in an enclosed space that echoed. My ears are still ringing.

But shit, that was good icecream!

As an aside, during this same trip, I finally came across those male body sprays that they are furiously advertising on TV these days. You know, the ones that have women literally attacking men because, like a bunch of horny canines in heat, we can't resist the smell of a man wearing the stuff.

(I personally find these commercials terribly offensive - not just for objectifying women, but for reducing them to the level of lust-crazed violent animals. If it was men piling on a woman, it would be an episode of Law & Order: SVU.)

Well, I am pleased to report that the stuff, every flavour of it, smells like crap. Unless you like the smells of "formaldehyde", "instant migraine" and "public urinal". One of them even smells somewhat like homeless unshowered male bodily fluids... (oh so very sexy and IRRESTIBLE)... but I will let YOU figure out which one.

Maybe the girls in the ads are attacking the man to kill him???