Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Axe Murder

For my family, a trip to the local Walmart is like a scene out of an Indiana Jones movie - there's running, screaming, heroics, minor injury, cynical humour and the odd romantic moment. Fortunately, no one dies.

Well, not yet anyways.

Last week's adventure was no exception. We stopped at the McD's on our way out as a special treat for the kids (and us). We were a little short of change, so we bought just 3 sundaes, one for each child, even though I had a hot fudge craving like you wouldn't believe. Surely, I thought, I can just take a little scoop of my kids' sundaes, right?

Wrong.

My lovely 2-yr-old daughter was a *little* ticked off that mommy had a spoonful of her hot fudge sundae. I swear she didn't even SEE it happen...we appropriately distracted her and while her head was turned I took a quick spoonful and shoved it in my mouth. But she KNEW. Maybe it was the guilty look on my face. Maybe it was the fact that 1/20th of her sundae was now missing. Maybe it was because the boys were pointing at me accusingly. I will never know. But she knew I did it, and that was a BAD thing.

Oh yes, there was screaming. Oh yes, there was public humiliation. Oh yes, there was food thrown. My genteel little one smashed her fists on the table and then sprung out of our booth and sprawled on the floor yelling like it was the end of the universe - over one frigging spoonful of icecream.(Did I mention the boys started to eat faster at this point?)

So, me and Miss. Hissyfit made a quick escape to the little girls room, where she was able to yell in an enclosed space that echoed. My ears are still ringing.

But shit, that was good icecream!

As an aside, during this same trip, I finally came across those male body sprays that they are furiously advertising on TV these days. You know, the ones that have women literally attacking men because, like a bunch of horny canines in heat, we can't resist the smell of a man wearing the stuff.

(I personally find these commercials terribly offensive - not just for objectifying women, but for reducing them to the level of lust-crazed violent animals. If it was men piling on a woman, it would be an episode of Law & Order: SVU.)

Well, I am pleased to report that the stuff, every flavour of it, smells like crap. Unless you like the smells of "formaldehyde", "instant migraine" and "public urinal". One of them even smells somewhat like homeless unshowered male bodily fluids... (oh so very sexy and IRRESTIBLE)... but I will let YOU figure out which one.

Maybe the girls in the ads are attacking the man to kill him???

6 Comments:

At 6:49 PM , Blogger Kimberly said...

it's like porn actually...if you've seen the actors in these commercials, you'd realize the whole thing is purely laughable. I mean really, where else, besides porn, would a guy that geeky get tackled by girls that pretty?

It's total fantasy. Not reality.
My guess is the girls are getting paid a good fee and all they require in migraine medication.

 
At 10:02 PM , Blogger Bob said...

I am in total agreement with you on the smell of the stuff. It is a gawd-awful smell, and it's worse when you enter a small change room just after someone sprays that crap. If there is an aroma that could peel paint, that would be it.

 
At 12:55 AM , Blogger Abandoned in Pasadena said...

Awe...the days of the 2 year old tantrums over a bite of ice cream, brings back memories that I was trying to forget. *LOL*

And those awful aromas on men do give you headaches. In reality, those commercial babes are probably really trying to kill the guy, like you said.

 
At 6:22 AM , Blogger jellyhead said...

Franny, very funny post! And I can really relate to the tantrum part. My 3-year-old just had a meltdown tonight, with much yelling and bawling and lying prone on the floor. Thankfully, we were safely back at home!

 
At 11:10 AM , Blogger Christopher said...

To risk the wrath of Mrs. Hissyfit, that ice cream MUST have been the bomb! lol

 
At 10:28 AM , Blogger bornfool said...

I'd share my hot fudge sundae with you.

 

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