Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Reverse Psychology Resolutions

Today was my first day back at work after the holidays. Everyone was eating apples and carrot sticks and exercising during their lunchbreak. By the end of the month, the lineup at Harvey's will be backed up out the cafeteria doors again.

Oh, the honorable intentions that a New Year brings forth.

It seems that whenever I make a resolution, the opposite comes true. (Eg: If I want to lose weight, I gain it. If I want to hex somone, they win the lottery.) So this year I'll outwit the universe and reverse-psychology myself into making this the best year ever. For 2006, I hereby resolve to:

*Have clean, lukewarm & innocent sex in private places.

*Have a lot more children...oooh, so many I can't even count 'em all!

*Vote Republican. No, not just vote for them, but kiss their pretty white asses! Especially those really extreme paranoid billionaires: I intend to throw all my support behind 'em and lay rose petals at their feet as I write sonnets about their legendary solomonic wisdom.

*Oh, and have more clean, lukewarm & innocent sex in private places.

If I can achieve all of these, it will truly be a rockin' year. Now who can I count on for bail?


At 7:40 AM , Blogger Mark Leslie said...

Franny, I hope that none of your wishes/resolutions come true.

(See, I'm trying to use your reverse psychology thing -- but wait, do two negatives make a positive? I was never good at math. Dammit!)

At 5:18 PM , Blogger Christopher said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 5:24 PM , Blogger Christopher said...

Yeah, I think that you'd have to wish that her resolutions do come true, so that they won't... but then again, that doesn't guarantee that the opposite will happen either... Hmmm... I will have to ponder this.

I have tried reverse psychology on my main blog as well (Christopher's Imagination). Instead of posting intriguing short stories and poems that no one comments on, I posted a boring term paper that I turned in this semester for my Victorian Lit class. It's so academic and long-winded, I am bound to get dozens of comments on it :)

At 7:51 PM , Blogger Karen said...

Good luck with your reverse psychology resolutions, especially the last one.


At 5:23 PM , Blogger Kimberly said...

I'm all for the last resolution...in fact I resolve to do just the same!

(I guess that means you won't be able to count on me for bail!!!)


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