Friday, September 30, 2005

Highway to Hull

Always the optimist and full of GREAT ideas, I decided my family needed a vacation. To Ottawa. Five hours away. Going fast.

In nearby Hull, we went on this beautiful steam engine ride into the hills to see the fall colours. The brochure said (and I quote) : GREAT FOR KIDS! OLD-TIME FAMILY FUN! ENJOY A WONDERLAND OF COLOURS FOR YOUNG AND OLD ALIKE!!!

My kids did not read that brochure. The brochure they read said: RUN AROUND ON THE TRAIN LIKE PSYCHOPATHS! LOTSA REALLY OLD PEOPLE OVER 80 WITH WALKERS! ENJOY YELLING LOUDER THAN THE TOUR GUIDE WITH THE MICROPHONE!!!

This makes me think there should be more truth in advertising. Here are my revisions for the brochure descriptions of other tourist destinations in the Ottawa area...

National Museum of Science & Technology: "We have hands-on exhibits, exciting live demonstrations, real steam trains & actual NASA equipment but it won't matter because your kid will park in front of the stupid video game demo and stay there all day."

Cosmic Adventures Indoor Playcentre: "Lose your children in our 3 storey high, 2 block long, dimly-lit climber! Kill yourself trying to find them up there! 100% safety record until YOU arrived!"

White Lake Resort: "Our raccoons aren't scared of you!"

St. Laurent Shopping Centre: "We have nouveau art sculptures in our food court that will frighten your children!"

Highway 417: "Highway 417 is conveniently located---ha ha ha! You'll never find us! You are LOST permanently in middle-of-nowhere Ontario! Drive in circles you pathetic Torontonians!"

But we are smiling in the pictures, and that's what counts!

6 Comments:

At 12:24 AM , Blogger Kimberly said...

take it you and the family had fun?

Glad you're home!

Kim :)

 
At 11:10 AM , Blogger Magdalena said...

The orginal brochure sounds a lot like the hurricane information that I received when moving down to Texas. "No hurricanes don't hit us, just storms and nothing ever happens here"

... translation ...

"Hurricanes hit and because we haven't had one hit us head on since 1950-something people think that we are due, so it is really only a matter of time before we get pummelled and your house gets two free skylights via crashing tree"

But despite it all ... don't worry I am smiling too ... wait till I tell you the 'sugar glider' story ... you will pee yourself, we did!

Lots of Love,
Magda

 
At 4:37 PM , Blogger Karen said...

Whoever said there was truth in advertising?! Glad you were able to get away for a few days, Franny. As you said, as long as you're smiling in the photos, that's all that matters!

love,
Karen

 
At 8:28 PM , Blogger MacManus said...

Ever thought of a career in marketing...no?...don't ;) LOL

I took my nephew to one of those playland things...I was the one who got lost...and hes two.

 
At 4:48 PM , Blogger Pete Mitchell said...

LOL!

Cliched as it may be: sounds like you need a vacation from your vacation.

I know....DISNEYWORLD!!

Fran? Fran? Please get up. Please start breathing again. Fran?!!!!

 
At 2:52 AM , Blogger scott davidson said...

What an interesting blog, introduced by a thought-provoking photo. The unusual wall painting of the dwellings is also a strangely modern interpretation. Something like this hieroglyphic view of a park by Swiss painter Paul Klee, http://EN.WahooArt.com/A55A04/w.nsf/OPRA/BRUE-8LT475.
The image can be seen at wahooart.com who can supply you with a canvas print of it.

 

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