Thursday, September 08, 2005


Okay, why do people wear thongs? I am sure you all thought of this. They HURT. REALLY! I tried it and they are basically a harness for your private parts that seriously punish you for trying to bend over. Isn't it enough that we need bras (breast harnesses!). What about belts (pant harnesses!). Seat belts (car harnesses!). Children (sex harnesses!) We are all trussed up like a bunch of frigging clydesdales pulling the Budweiser coach.

Horse1: "Hey Ed, this this harness is chafing me."
Horse2: "Yah me too, where the heck are we going with all this beer anyways?"
Driver: "Shaddup you lousy horses or I'll make you wear thongs!"

When not on the average person, I think thongs are pretty sexy. I'm talking about a svelte, tanned young woman in her skin-tight lowrisers and heels with a hint'o'thong showing. But, however appealing she may be, remember that thong girl is HIGH maintenance. Every time she drops something, you gotta pick it up for her. "But honEYYYYY, I'm wearing my thonnnng!" She is VERY uncomfortable sitting in your lowrider sportscar, and imagine childbirth with this chick - "PUSH PUSH PUSH!" "AIEEEEE I can't the thong is CHAFING!"

And why are these girls always wearing WHITE thongs? Is there any color less suitable for the enviroment in which that garment occurs? If anyone knows the rationale for this, please let me know.

So, no thongs for me. Not any more, and not ever again. This a call to revolution! JUST SAY NO TO THONGS! If a man needs to see harnesses to make him happy, tell him the Triple M Ranch is just up the road.


At 12:09 AM , Blogger Magdalena said...

Well ... thongs aren't always so bad ... though if you are going to do it, really go for the g-string, it is much more comfortable. But at the same time I have come to the conclusion recently that actually thongs are simply not flattering to the average woman at all. I agree, on the skinny-mini with the tan and the toothpick legs it works great, but on the average curvy woman ... nope. I am reminded of the Bridget Jones scene ... granny underwear or sexy underwear ... ah ha ... granny underwear makes you look better let's just face it. It hold you in, it smoothes you out and well quite frankly it doesn't give you a permanent wedgy! So if it comes down to a thong and giggling around all over the place while constantly fidgiting because of the perma-wedgy and granny pants, I am taking the granny pants! Just get the granny pants in black or hot red and they won't even think about a thong, cuz basically there you are in your underwear and really that's what its all about in the end anyways!

At 9:08 PM , Blogger Karen said...

Magda's right. If you're there in your underwear, no man is going to give a damn WHAT it looks like. He's going to be much too busy thinking "Damn, I've got a woman here in her underwear and she wants ME." If you like thongs, go for them, if not, go for comfort.

At 11:49 AM , Blogger Pete Mitchell said...

Magdalena knows an alarming amount about underwear.....

I just wonder what goes through people's minds when they decide to buy a thong.

"I'm so hot I want everyone to know it."

999 times out of 1,000; they're not.


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