Saturday, September 10, 2005

Theology and Condiments I

I admit, I take much for granted in life. I was thinking today that it's a very good thing that we only have one God (in my religion anyhow). I just don't have the time to kiss up to more than one, let alone ask 100 gods for favors, cash and vengeance upon mine enemies. If you have many gods, how do you find the time? Do your gods share the responsibility for different aspects of the world, eg. "Get Good Grades in School" god, the "Let Jimmy Ask Me to the Dance" god, and the often petitioned, seldom discussed "Please Don't Let Me Be Pregnant" god? Also, do the many gods get along? Who sits at the head of the dinner table? Who has to sacrifice for your sins?

Lose Weight God: "Umm, Mic, the emperor's guards are here for you."
Get Great Abs God: "HELLO, I sacrificed my life LAST TIME!"
Lose Weight God: "Back me up here Jim."
Please Make the Kids Stop Yelling God: "No, actually, Mic's right, and
YOU'RE at the head of the table. Could you pass the mustard?"
Lose Weight God: (switching seats) "NO I'M NOT!"

You can clearly see my point. Not only would the mustard get forgotten, but we would all perish in mortal sin while they sorted out their differences. How blessed am I that I was given 15 years of Catholic education, during which we were made vaguely aware that there were other religions, but that they would come around someday.

The only religion that makes sense to me is Buddhism. I want a Buddha. I just like the way he sits there, all smiling with his gut sticking out, no cares in the world. Sure he is 2,568 years old and his cholesterol is through the roof, but he has reached nirvana. And who wouldn't want to hear the sweet sound of "Smells Like Teen Spirit" one more time?


At 12:22 AM , Blogger Kimberly said...

Don't Catholics have all those different saints that they pray to for different things? Isn't that like having a pantheon of gods? It worked for your ancestors the Romans...and the Greeks, those they stole the idea from in the first place!!!!

Course something tells me they probably didn't have the lose weight god or the great abs god...ahh how times have changed!

At 11:14 PM , Blogger Bob said...

I'm not sure if Buddha's cholesterol levels are that high since he's pretty much a vegetarian (eating any meat is forbidden because it takes a life, at least from I recall from my useless bits of knowledge part of the brain). So I suppose he likes pounding back the potatoes and other bits of junk food.


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