Monday, November 13, 2006

Darkness and Light

On a dark and cool Friday night, a depressed and stressed-out woman went for a walk, alone. As she walked the foggy, abandoned streets, she pondered how everything was wrong. How she couldn't take it anymore. How she was nothing and nobody and too tired and too alone to carry on. She pulled her scarf tighter against the chill, and crossed the dimly lit side-streets like a ghost.

She made no sound.

Led by some invisible force, she found her way to the big park, and wandered across the damp black field until she came to the baseball diamond. Then she sat on the dugout bench, in pitch blackness, and cry. It was not long. The heavy fog and intimate darkness muffled the sound of her sobs.

She sat there for hours, until her fingers and toes were icy, until the moon was high. Until the young lovers on the bench under the streetlamp were done. The whole time, they did not know she was there.

And then she walked home, only mildly soothed by her emotional release, but still hating herself for being weak.

The next day she spent some time with friends and lamented her pain with her husband, but nothing really eased the fear and the panic. Later that night, she craved music. She darkened the house, lit the candles and put on her favourite CD. Her children came quickly, and she instinctually taught them to recognize the different instruments, the parts of music, the beat - they were entranced. She showed them how one was "supposed" to move to the different kinds of music.

And then, her 5-yr-old son said something so profound, it shook her to her core.

"Can I just dance what's in my heart?"

His innocent wisdom lit her insides like a burning flame. She accepted her sadness and fear. And as the feelings flowed over her, she was no longer afraid, and she did not drown.

That night they all danced what was in their hearts.


At 10:55 AM , Blogger Kimberly said...


At 12:02 PM , Blogger Motherkitty said...

Now, I'm the dufus because I just wrote a fantastic comment and lost it.

What I said was, I hope loneliness, tears, and despair are gone from your vocabulary.

The smartest person in the room that night was the 5 y/o. He expressed the wisdom of the ages. Albert Schweitzer said that the only refuge in this world is music and cats. I have both so I'm happy (except when husband is acting like a dufus). Then I scream, cuss, rant, and cry until I feel better. Or, I just sit quietly and pet my kitties until everything is okay again.

So, dear Frannie, continue to dance what's in your heart and we will join you.

At 12:09 PM , Blogger Mildanka said...

I second Kim's "WOW"!

How amazing that at 5 the mysteries of the world can be so clear ... and somewhere along the way some of us lose touch with that part of ourselves. I guess that is why children are such a blessing, because they remind us to see the world with renewed clarity!

At 2:46 PM , Blogger velvet girl said...

It's amazing how wise children are... they're untouched by the white noise and messiness of life's complications and can see things so clearly.

Your son was right: dance from your heart.

At 6:44 PM , Blogger thisisme said...

Wow is right.

At 7:16 PM , Blogger Alipurr said...

great post....had something really great to say, but it totally slipped away

children are wonderful how they pick things up so quickly

At 8:31 PM , Blogger jellyhead said...

Aw Franny, your little boy is amazing. I'm glad he gave you some comfort.

Thinking of you,
XO Jelly

At 12:03 AM , Blogger Abandoned in Pasadena said...

Dance what's in your heart seems to be the answer to all of your problems. Only out of an innocent 5 year old comes such a profound statement.

Glad you got your new job and I hope everything works out for you.

At 1:00 AM , Anonymous Liara Covert said...

Another way to examine a particular situation is to focus on what you like about it, where your blessings are and why you feel grateful for who and where you are. The more you dwell on good feelings, positive thoughts, emories or inspiring dreams, the more of these types of things will be attracted your way. Similarly, if you're convinced it is going to rain, it will.


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