Flying High

Someone asked me on Friday what my lifelong dream was. Without hesitation, I said "to own a flying horse". I even got all teary eyed as I talked about it - the childhood dream, the thrill of flying, the pooing on the neighbors' cars. What made it worse, I suppose, was this was my new boss who had asked me, and this was at work. After a few minutes of my blubbering about it, she felt compelled to ask me if I was aware that flying horses didn't exist. I think her next question was going to be "are you on drugs?"

Oh, the humiliation.

In retrospect, I think she was looking for me to tell her that my lifelong dream was to write the next great Canadian novel, to have a cottage up north or to adopt a child from some 3rd world country. But a flying horse? I think I can guess what transpired behind closed doors later that day.

My boss: "We need to talk."

Her boss: "Sure, just sit down in my leather wing chair and let me finish my bourbon."

My boss: "Yes ma'am."

Her boss: "Okay, so what's the problem?"(slurp)

My boss: "You know Franny downstairs? Um...her lifelong dream is to have a flying horse."

Her boss: (choking on bourbon) "WHAT!? What kind of freaky hippie did you hire?!"

My boss: "Well actually, you really liked her at the interview..."

Her boss: "Oh no, you're not pinning this one on me! And how was I supposed to know she was some drugged-out psychadelic wierdo exactly? She seemed so....so...."

My boss: "Normal?"

Her boss: "Shit, it's always the "normal" ones isn't it?" (sip, pause) "Where is Little Miss Acid-Trip now?"

My boss: "She's with - oh my GOD! She's with the students!"

Her boss: "No! Not the children! Someone's gotta stop that schizzed-out mad-woman!"

My boss: "I'll get the machete behind the photocopier..."

The rest of my day was pretty uneventful, thanks in part to the fact that the photocopier weighs 300 lbs. I think I got some wierd looks from my coworkers though. And I'm SURE they were talking to me very slooooooooowly and carefully... maybe they're fearful that references to abstract concepts like 'strategic planning' or 'departmental goals' will send the demented crackhead on her next 'cukoo' trip? Eg:

Them: "What do you see as our fiscal budget goals for 2007?"

Me: "Get these damn spiders off me! Oh my God, they're everywhere! Spiders! No! No! ARGHHHHHHHHHH!" (rolling on floor, scratching/screaming, etc...)

As I write, I am certain there is a committee of concerned individuals preparing an intervention. Just for fun, at the next really long, boring meeting, I'm gonna ask "did anyone else hear that? Sounded like neighing..."

Lucky for me, "wants a flying horse" is not grounds for dismissal according to the Ontario Labour Standards Act. I looked it up.

And for the record, I do not rescind my lifelong dream. I STILL want a flying horse. If they didn't really want to know, they shouldn't have asked. Poop away, Peggie!