That Girl Could Sell Anything

I want to talk about those radio announcements in which people are yelling at you to buy a car. Sometimes they're on TV too, with balloons, also yelling at you to buy a car. Does yelling at your viewership really work? Does anyone sit around, not wanting to buy a car, and then this loud, overweight jackass starts screaming about the TIME LIMITED CHEVY CLEAROUT, and the viewer gets up and says "Wow, it must really be a good sale! The guy is yelling at me to get down there now! Gotta go honey!"

Anyhow, I don't think it works that way. But if it did, could you imagine the ads we'd have to contend with? Some chilling ideas:

Armageddon Camp - "Are your kids ready for the apocalypse? Though the world may be ending, the fun fun FUN never does! Kids just love to practice rejecting satan and judging each other in front of the campfire & brimstone!! Arts & Crafts include creating papier mache swords for the 4 horsemen, and painting 'Welcome Judgement Day' banners! Armageddon Camp offers a loving environment in which everyone is welcome except sinners, homosexuals and non-whites! So come to our camp or burn burn BURN!"

Desk Toilet - "Is your office just too far from the bathroom? Are you terrified of having to severly misuse the bathroom at the same time as your boss? Well help is here! With the desk toilet, you can go while you're on the go! Turn making timesheets into making time for sheet! Why piss away the hours when you can piss every hour? Why whack off emails when you can simply- never mind! Call now and for a limited time you'll receive a bonus Desk Vending Machine and Desk Lunchtable with every Desk Toilet purchase! Remember, your business is our business!"

Jugs for Men - "Hey Don, why are you smiling? Did you just get your own boobs!? I'll bet you got tired of women telling you to get your filthy hands off of their breasts! Well, now you too can have your own jugs, available for fondling 24/7! No more bras to unclasp, no more messy relationships or expensive call women! Just glue 'em on, and you'll be the envy of every man on the block! These knockers are made of a spaceage material that mimics the feel and bounce of real breasts, but without the woman! Available in sizes DD, E, F & Holy Shit!"

Man, that was fun!