Monday, November 07, 2005

What We Say vs. What We Mean

After 3 weeks, I was pretty tired of the new washing machine rumbling the whole house and lurching and jerking itself across the floor during each spin cycle. I was determined to get to the bottom of the problem. First stop, the manual. Second stop, the installer...

Me: "Honey, are you sure you took the shipping bolts off of the washing machine?" (Honey, is it YOUR fault?)

Hubby: "Yes." (Probably...)

Me: "Ok, cuz it says right here in the manual that's the first thing you have to do..." (Look, me read eeenglish!)

Hubby: "I know what it says! I did it! Geez!" (Does she think I'm stupid?)

Me: "Fine." (That's it, I'm gonna check.)

Hubby: "Good." (Is she actually checking?)

Me: "Umm, honey, can you come here and see this..?" (I KNEW IT! THE SHIPPING BOLTS ARE STILL THERE!)

Hubby: "Oh oh." (Oh shit)

Me: "I thought you said you took them off." (I'm smarter than YOU are!)

Hubby: "I thought I did, but James was actually supposed to do it." (Ha ha! Pass-ing the buck! Hoo-yeah! I'm da MAAAN!)

Me: "How many times did I ask YOU if YOU took the bolts off?" (Oh my God, I've married a toddler!)

Hubby: "Like, once!" (Or twice or several times.)

Me: "Why the hell did you keep saying you did it already!?" (ARGHHHH!)

Hubby: "Umm...I think...hey wait! I said JAMES was supposed to do it!" (I think she's mad.)

Me: "Now you're just pissing me off!" (Crucify him! Crucify him!)

Hubby: "Are you mad?" (I think she's mad.)

Me: "You could have destroyed the machine! You could have flooded the basement! It's the FIRST THING IN THE MANUAL!" (Of course I'm mad!)

Hubby: "I know, I know. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry." (Please make it go away, please make it go away...)

Me: "*Sigh* Well, I guess I better take the bolts off then." (HE'D better offer to take these *&%^@#$ bolts off right now!)

Hubby: "Ok, great!" (Yay, I don't have to do it!)


At 6:43 PM , Blogger Pete Mitchell said...


That was great! But you forgot the conclusion.

Hubby: Sorry about the whole washing machine thing. (I want to have sex now.)

Me -I mean You: We can discuss it later. (You ain't gettin' any for a lo-o-o-o-o-ong time.)

At 8:21 PM , Blogger Kimberly said...

hahahaha, great addition Peter!

I have so much to learn about the insight into the male mind from Franny!!

Remember: it's all just a dial tone.

At 11:00 PM , Anonymous Freddy said...

It could have happened to anyone! (mental note: take off shipping bolts from washer. If not, will not have sex for LONG time).

What the heck is a manual? :)

At 3:23 AM , Anonymous Cataldo Brugnano said...

Hi guys. Unremoved shipping bolts = no sex for a looooong time. I'm glad that I fell on the barbed wire for all of you.

Honestly, when I read this, I laughed so hard that I was crying. That was exactly what went through my mind (it's strange: after being together for 13 years, she knows what I'm thinking, yet I still have no clue what's going on in her mind).

At 11:30 AM , Blogger Pete Mitchell said...

Cat my friend; we all feel your pain. Thanks for letting us all learn from your lesson.

And don't worry: you WILL have sex again. Especially with Christmas just around the corner:

When she pulls that oh-so-NOT-subtle female I-want-a-present hint: "Oh I'm just casually flipping through a catalogue for no reason at all and OH MY look at that!";

You can strike back with "Santa's Gift Shop is closed until the Little Elf gets some action!"

The Little Elf will go to bed happy that night; trust me.

Ahhhhh, helping marriages is such fun!


At 3:12 PM , Blogger Kimberly said...

ahh...but has the Little Elf ever heard of Mrs. Claus' self gratification kit?

gonna take more than that idle threat Elf Boy...


At 7:25 AM , Blogger Franny said...

KIM! Shhhhhh!


At 8:16 PM , Blogger Bryan said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 10:42 PM , Blogger Bryan said...

Franny, you're a hoot!!

Here's the mental picture I'm getting:

At 4:06 PM , Blogger Pete Mitchell said...


That picture is purrr-fect!


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