What We Say vs. What We Mean

After 3 weeks, I was pretty tired of the new washing machine rumbling the whole house and lurching and jerking itself across the floor during each spin cycle. I was determined to get to the bottom of the problem. First stop, the manual. Second stop, the installer...

Me: "Honey, are you sure you took the shipping bolts off of the washing machine?" (Honey, is it YOUR fault?)

Hubby: "Yes." (Probably...)

Me: "Ok, cuz it says right here in the manual that's the first thing you have to do..." (Look, me read eeenglish!)

Hubby: "I know what it says! I did it! Geez!" (Does she think I'm stupid?)

Me: "Fine." (That's it, I'm gonna check.)

Hubby: "Good." (Is she actually checking?)

Me: "Umm, honey, can you come here and see this..?" (I KNEW IT! THE SHIPPING BOLTS ARE STILL THERE!)

Hubby: "Oh oh." (Oh shit)

Me: "I thought you said you took them off." (I'm smarter than YOU are!)

Hubby: "I thought I did, but James was actually supposed to do it." (Ha ha! Pass-ing the buck! Hoo-yeah! I'm da MAAAN!)

Me: "How many times did I ask YOU if YOU took the bolts off?" (Oh my God, I've married a toddler!)

Hubby: "Like, once!" (Or twice or several times.)

Me: "Why the hell did you keep saying you did it already!?" (ARGHHHH!)

Hubby: "Umm...I think...hey wait! I said JAMES was supposed to do it!" (I think she's mad.)

Me: "Now you're just pissing me off!" (Crucify him! Crucify him!)

Hubby: "Are you mad?" (I think she's mad.)

Me: "You could have destroyed the machine! You could have flooded the basement! It's the FIRST THING IN THE MANUAL!" (Of course I'm mad!)

Hubby: "I know, I know. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry." (Please make it go away, please make it go away...)

Me: "*Sigh* Well, I guess I better take the bolts off then." (HE'D better offer to take these *&%^@#$ bolts off right now!)

Hubby: "Ok, great!" (Yay, I don't have to do it!)