Fear Itself

I wanted to write something scary because of the time of year, but lately my kind of scary is not "Halloween" scary. For example, if a freaky zombie-army wants to eat my brains for breakfast, meh. But if a freaky zombie-army wants to call my references, ARGHHHHHHH! (cue "Psycho" music)

Things were much simpler as a kid. The scary stuff wasn't real: Ghosts were scary. Monsters were scary. Now, running into my old boss from the 7th Ring of Hell is scary. And that can actually happen, because SHE actually exists. And she's still out there, somewhere...lurking. I can still feel the chill of her cold grey eyes, I can still smell the stench of her "just ate a part-timer" breath...

I miss being scared of my grandmother's washing machine in the basement. (Only I knew what lived in there.) I miss being scared of the trout in the hot water tank. Yes, I even miss being scared of sleeping on my left side in the bunkbed because that was how the devil would take my soul at night. (Unless of course I first kissed the white rock I took from my neighbor's driveway and begged Satan to stay away.) Hey, I was a weird kid.

When I was 8, I saw an episode of "Highway to Heaven" in which a space heater started a fire that nearly killed the old fat guy. I was totally traumatized for years about that. I kissed my house goodbye everytime we went visiting because I was sure it would burn down while we were gone. I even had an escape route all planned out, and though I shared a room with 2 younger sisters, it was every man for himself! At best, my sisters were the step stools for me to reach the window.

Now I have a long list of people who need to get out before I do.

How things have changed! My current "monsters" include job interviews, my husband's snoring, public ridicule and the phone bill, to name a few. They don't just live in the washing machine either. They're real! But running into my old boss from Hell trumps them all. Nothing strikes terror like - hey, what's that creepy music? And that unmistakable stench..?

Maybe I should have kept that white rock afterall.