Franny and the Killer Cuticle

I am magnetically attracted to BMWs. This is not a good thing, especially when you're driving 30 kph over the speed limit and you're not paying attention to the road. One more millisecond picking at my stray cuticle and well...they'd be calling to tell my husband his insurance rates just tripled and oh, by the way, your wife is dead. Luckily this cuticle was a quick fix.

So I've realized that every near miss was with a beemer. I don't know why! I don't particularly like or dislike them. Maybe their brakes are better than mine so I inevitably nearly smash into them? Maybe my car is in love with BMWs? Maybe there are too many beemers out there for me to almost hit? Why can't I almost hit a cheap, disposable car, like a Kia or a Festiva? You rear-end a klunker, you laugh. You rear-end a BMW, you cry. I actually did rear-end a car once. My fine friends at The Cooperators know all too well whose fault that was.

I also backed into a construction vehicle when I was a teenager. Smashed the whole back end of my dad's car. Instead of going straight home, I went to Tim Hortons to ponder my contribution to this world and how it had been a good run. That was the only night I ever smoked. Figured it didn't matter anymore anyways.

I'm not the only accident prone member of my family. I once talked my sister out of running away from home after she smashed up my dad's car (same car) twice in two weeks. I remember telling her it wasn't that bad, and that dad wouldn't be mad, just relieved she was not hurt. I was actually thinking "OMG you are SO dead!" And my brother totalled his car by driving it under a flatbed truck. Sheared the roof right off. You probably read about it in the paper.

So, I guess I'd better be more careful. For the safety of my fellow drivers, I'd better get a manicure, so I don't have to worry about those cuticles distracting me. May as well get a pedicure too, just to keep my braking foot in prime condition. Maybe a massage, to soothe my stress, cuz afterall, those damn beemers are everywhere, just waiting to jump out and make me hit them! Ooh, and a scalp treatment because I am thinking too much...