Monday, May 29, 2006

A Likely Story

These 3 things actually happened to me in the last 24 hours:

1) I rescued a small creature from something brown and heartless
2) A power-driven staple went right through my palm (actually, the "Mount of Venus" part)
3) I realized with certainty that God is a man

You tell me the likely, or unlikely, story. Most creative wins!

Wednesday, May 24, 2006


Ok, here's my latest Meme...thanks Abandoned for the tag!

Six WEIRD(sp?) Things About Me

1. I am a university English grad, I have a professional writing certificate at the college level (with honours), I speak 3 languages quasi-fluently and I am still messed up about the "i" before "e" rule, except after the "c" or something like that. Screw it up all the time. Also have trouble spelling "length" (eg: legnth!)

2. There are toothbrushes on the market that have several uses. Nuff said.

3. I am super-sensitive to smell. I can also tell you a person's personality by their cologne/perfume/etc. I am usually right.

4. I want a flying horse, but not your standard white pegasus. It would look like this:

(Yes, I am aware they do not exist.)

5. My husband and I are the only two existing members of the EEIS society. (I could tell you what that means - but you wouldn't like it.)

6. I prefer bodywash that smells like food. I have a collection featuring Chocolate, Creamsicle, Strawberry, and Vanilla Mint. Depends on my mood. When I am angry, it's Cinnamon!

Here are my 6 wierd (weird!?) people tag choices:

Cuddly Cat
Heroic Paul
Soulful Kim
Clever Peter
Creative Mark
Caring Karen

Shock me!

Friday, May 19, 2006

One Second

I was talking animatedly with a colleague, and we were coming round a corner when I stopped and pointed to the new artsy sculptures recently put on display by the upper management. Grinning broadly, I opened my mouth, I took the breath, and suddenly -

"Hi Mr. Company President!" said my friend as Mr. Company President stumbled upon us. I shut right up.

If he had brushed his teeth for one second more that day...

If his parking space was 2 metres farther from the building...

If he had been wearing his uncomfortable dress shoes...

...just one second later, and the company president would have walked right into me as I announced that the sculptures in his foyer looked like giant dinosaur turds...

One second.


Wednesday, May 17, 2006

The Smart and the Pretty, Part II

(Ok, when we last left Smart, she was snivelling in the kitchen because Pretty tore a chunk out of her at the Royal Ball.)

So, Pretty had won again.

Or had she?

Soon, one by one, the guests made their way to where Smart was feeling a *little* sorry for herself, and they began to offer Smart understanding and sympathy, but also, they mentioned that they were apalled at how Pretty was behaving. Princess Pretty was NOT the hit of her Royal Ball, her behaviour was NOT at all pretty, and she was acting decidedly, UNprincess-like.

And then, Smart's beloved, Sir Cuddly, showed up from the end of a long shift at the the town crier's bell-making factory. Suddenly, Princess Smart had friends. She wasn't so tired. Energized by the unexpected support, Smart sucked it up and marched back in there, head held high.

When it came time for Pretty to open the gifts, she reeled in shock at the beautiful hand-made stationary that Smart had created...the songs that Smart had composed to entertain Pretty's guests...the painting that she had walked all the way to a far off land to attain. She realized that she had accused the one person who had tried the hardest to make things wonderful, of trying to "ruin" everything. She had torn up and spit out for all to see, the person who had cared the most.

And Pretty felt pretty ugly.

At the end of the Royal Ball, as the guests were leaving, Pretty pulled Smart aside for a heartfelt thank you, metioning that she had been truly touched by Smart's efforts and thoughtful gifts.

Smart nodded graciously, realizing that this was as close to an apology that she could ever hope to receive. Smart left the Royal Ball tired, but happy.

And began plotting her revenge.

~The End~

Monday, May 15, 2006

The Smart and the Pretty

Sorry I have been away for a while - life has been crazy hectic! Today, a fable. Thanks to my blog buddy (you know who you are) for the idea.

Once upon a time there were two princesses in two castles on opposite sides of the kingdom of FFY. One was named Smart. The other was named Pretty. And appropriately named they were, for Smart was clever, and ambitious and wise, and Pretty was, well, pretty. (Actually, Smart secretly thought she was pretty too, but kept this to herself. She didn't want to take away Pretty's only glory -- see, Smart was also diplomatic. But I digress.)

Now Pretty won the hearts of all who saw her. They swooned at her prettiness, and in return, she preened for hours and wore the latest robes and crown-styles to keep them happy. And when she fluttered her eyelashes just so, it made the news (The Daily Parchment, actually). Statues were erected in her honour. Best of all, the King and Queen of the land expected nothing of Pretty except for her to be, well, pretty. And this was good, for Pretty was REALLY good at being pretty. And she didn't mind her lot in life because all was handed to her. If Pretty didn't graduate from Princess School, it was ok, so long as she was still pretty. If Pretty couldn't pay her horse & carriage bills, someone else would, because Pretty's job was to be pretty.

I think you get the point.

Meanwhile, in the other castle, Smart was kinda ignored. After all, Smart didn't bat her eyelashes just so, didn't preen enough, and definately had no interest in the latest princess fashions. But Smart was okay with this. She had been told at an early age that she had to fend for herself because she was expected to. She was told that being smart meant that she was independent which meant that she didn't deserve or need help or support. But was Smart sad? No. (Ok, a little angry perhaps, but nothing the right medications couldn't fix.) Smart learned how to charm with her words and her actions, not just her looks. Smart got enough education to assure she could support herself. And Smart was happy, if a little tired.

One day, at Pretty's royal ball, Pretty smiled and danced and glittered from room to room, while Smart (who had been up until 3am the night before preparing a handmade gift for Pretty), struggled to keep her eyes open and mentioned that she was a little too tired to dance.

Pretty's eyes flashed with rage upon hearing this and she loudly exclaimed "Oh there goes Smart, moping about again, like she always does!" for all to hear. Smart said nothing, assuming Pretty's diatribe had ended.

But the public humiliation had only begun.

"Just like Smart" Pretty said in front of all of their friends and family and strangers, "it's ALWAYS about her! Well I'll not be letting her ruin MY royal ball no matter HOW hard she tries!" Smart was even in the same room at the time, while Pretty continued shouting about her like she wasn't even there. "She's ALWAYS like this, every event we have, Smart is always making problems, just ask anyone! Why does she even bother coming!?" Pretty stormed about the room, slamming things as she went, "She is ALWAYS trying to ruin everything!!!!" Everyone was staring.

Smart quietly slunk into the kitchen.

Oh, wait, don't think Smart is weak! Smart saw visions of murder with wooden utensils, and slashed carriage wheels and pleasurably drawing and quartering Pretty! In fact, that's why Smart left, because she didn't want to spend the rest of her natural life in a dungeon for her almost soon-to-be committed crimes.

But the pressure, the exhaustion, the helplessness got to be too much, and Smart cried. (Yes, Smart cries.) Pretty had won again.

Or had she?