Thursday, April 26, 2007

The THWACK Heard Round the World



The Devil: So, Franny, you are here to atone for what you did on the evening of April 23rd, 2007. Do you have anything to say for yourself.

Me: The devil made me do it.

The Devil: Heh, heh, heh, yeah, I DID make you do it actually, and I'm pretty proud of myself. But your MOTHER Franny? Surely you feel some remorse?

Me: Of COURSE I do! But in my defence, she WAS telling my children that I was a BAD MOTHER for not letting them have sticky sweets before bed, and who would have thought my aim was THAT good, really?

The Devil: True... *raises eyebrows* That WAS an excellent shot, Franny.

Franny: *flutters eyelashes, flattered* Aw, thanks! I have great aim, you should SEE me play Whack-A-Mole and I used to ALWAYS win at Duck Hunt on Nintendo! I mean... er... I AM SO ASHAMED OF MYSELF! *hand to forehead, laments* What kind of daughter throws a Cadbury Mini-Egg at her mom from across the room and actually hits her in the centre of the forehead with it?

The Devil: I liked the sound when it cracked open on her head - THWACK! The look on her face was priceless, and to do it in front of your father and your kids as well? You've got some nerve girl!

Franny: *muttering* Well, they DO make good projectiles... AND I had a handful of them but I only threw ONE... surely that counts for something?

The Devil: Sorry honey, nice try but what's done is done. So, before I write this one down in the book for, ahem, later, *rubs hands enthusiastically* I just NEED to know. What on earth were you thinking Franny?

Franny: Honestly?

The Devil: Sure. Be honest. I won't tell a soul.

Franny: Okay. I was thinking...Bet I can SO thwack her RIGHT in the middle of the head with this... *Franny walks away whistling*

The Devil: *to self* I should consider taking on a partner...

9 Comments:

At 10:16 AM , Anonymous catstrains said...

I was there, and it really happened. That egg split in half like it was in slow motion. You could've cut the silence in that room with a knife. And I hate to admit it, but it was kinda cool!

 
At 11:07 AM , Blogger velvet girl said...

Good shot. Was at least part of that retribution for the whole doorknob incident?

 
At 11:26 AM , Anonymous Linda B said...

Can you teach me?

 
At 5:13 PM , Blogger jellyhead said...

You wicked, wicked woman. I love it!

 
At 7:59 PM , Blogger Amuse said...

Ha! This makes me feel so much better about not letting my mom visit me again until I get a guarentee that she will NEVER AGAIN tell my daughter to her face that she has a big nose - which she does not. No bullshit!! Good for you!!! It's not the Devil. It's the God who understands that disempowering your own daughter in the middle of her family is CRAP.

 
At 8:00 PM , Blogger Kimberly said...

Hey if you're going to be the devil's partner, can you make sure I get a primo spot by the firefalls?

Thanks in advance,

Your faithful student in the ways of evil and revenge,

Kim

 
At 5:04 AM , Blogger thisisme said...

Nice shot - I'll bet it was really satisfying!

 
At 10:04 AM , Blogger Pope's Apprentice said...

I keep thinking about The Honeymooners... "One of these days, Alice, WAM! ZOOM! To the moon!!"

Except in this case, it was TODAY (well, it WAS) and it was WHOOSH! ZOOM! Across the room!! (Followed by the resounding CRACK!)

Good for you, Franny :) Sometimes you just need to assert yourself :)

 
At 6:29 AM , Blogger Nathalie said...

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