Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Swearasaurus

I need to watch my language. As much as I try to be a nurturing mom, a stimulating mom, an everything-for-the-children mom, (aka: a "Good Mom"), my unadultered use of impolite expletives are rubbing off on the children, and making it all for naught. For example:

Good Mom: Look honey! It's a note from our friend Piglet, and he needs our help to find him! He's lost in the park and it's his naptime!

Daughter, age 4: HOLY SHIT!

**

Good Mom: We can't use your blanket tonight sweetheart, because you puked on it and mommy's washing it. But you can use mommy's blanket instead!

Son, age 4: Aw mommy, you're the effing best. *hugs*

**

Good Mom: And God bless grandma, and grandpa, and our teachers and- is there anyone else we'd like to bless?

Son, age 6: What about the asshole who cut us off at the light?

**

To keep my kids from being sent to the principal's office, I've decided to curse at my enemies and frustrating situations in a different language! For example, the next time I am cut off at the light, I can scream:
Da bi ti vse krave crknile! (Which is Slovenian for "I wish your cows will drop dead!")

Or, if I'm double-charged on my credit card statement:
Äitisi nai poroja! (Finnish, for "your mother copulates with reindeer")

And on those days that you need something EXTRA special:
Ssi v kompot, tam povor nogi moet! (Russian for "go urinate in the punchbowl while the cook is washing his legs in it"!)

Yes, I may be a vamadoola*, baa**, or a linguistic kaynay***, but at least I am not, nor ever will be, a complete kokëderr****.


*"wierdo" in Punjabi
**"crazy" in Thai
***"fool" in Tamil
**** ha ha, you'll never know!

4 Comments:

At 8:56 PM , Blogger Motherkitty said...

Well, she's back -- at long last. I've kept you on my blogroll all this time in hopes that you will change your mind and decide to start posting again.

Aren't children just the best? And, don't you have a wonderful way with words? If we hang around you long enough, we just might learn some new ways of expressing ourselves.

 
At 6:53 AM , Blogger thisisme said...

Yippee - she's back! Converted into a stubborn Albanian no less.

What a glorious giggle - one of my girlfriends found herself using the word firetruck whenever she got upset driving - until her 3 year old son started calling people stupid firetruckers.

Welcome back!

 
At 9:53 PM , Blogger jellyhead said...

What, no preliminary words of greeting? No explanantion for abandoning us (sob!) for almost a year??! Just straight into the frigging this and asshole that?!

Oh it's good to have you back Franny!

 
At 7:05 AM , Blogger Remiman said...

Franny,
I followed Jellyhead over here and I'm F'n glad I did.
I may be an A-hole but a lurker I am not ;)
I hope you don't mind, but I don't get to swear on my blog or much of anywhere else for that matter.
rel

 

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