A Recipe for Homemade Won Ton Soup

Ingredients:
1/2 lb ground turkey
2 tbsp soy sauce
1/2 onion, very finely chopped
1/3 cup breadcrumbs
1 pkg Won Ton wrappers
1/2 cup hot water
1 pot beef broth

Optional garnishes:
1 cup crispy oriental noodles
1 chopped green onion

Instructions:
1. Mix first four ingredients together well. Tell kids for the 10th time that dinner isn't ready yet. Assure 4-yr old son that you're not making beans or stew or vegetables any other kind of food that makes him PUKE.

2. Turn on stove and put broth to boil, and then run away with the stove still on because someone has just turned the shower on in the bathroom. Re-dress wet kid, and return to kitchen to find daughter squishing her fingers in the raw meat.

3. Wash daughter's hands and escort her out of the kitchen. Assure 4-yr-old son that you're not making beans or stew or vegetables any other kind of food that makes him PUKE.

4. Put on a video so the kids stop bugging you while you cook.

5. Turn off video and beg the kids to stop fighting while you cook.

6. Offer to let kids help cook.

7. Place small ball of meat in centre of each wrapper. Stop 4-yr-old from sampling the raw meat. Fold Won Ton, diagnal corners together, and seal by wetting fingertip with hot water. Repeat until your daughter decides the Won Ton wrappers look like delicious process cheese slices and runs off with them.

8. Locate and soothe crying daughter who didn't like the way the "cheese" tasted.

9. Return to kitchen to find boys throwing the balls of raw meat at each other. Attempt to eject all the children.

10. Give up trying to eject the crying children, and offer to let them GENTLY drop the completed Won Tons into the boiling water.

11. Scream in pain as they gleefully SLAM DUNK the Won Tons, splashing boiling water all over your hands. Nod in dismay when you see that they are all coming unwrapped due to the force of the throws.

12. Kick all the kids out. Remind 4-yr old that you're NOT making beans or stew or vegetables any other kind of food that makes him PUKE, goddammit!

13. Let soup boil for approx five minutes, or as long as it takes for one of them to find you hiding in the breakfast nook reading a magazine.

14. When done, ladle soup into bowls and garnish with a handful of crispy noodles (that your kids will eye suspiciously) and a sprinkle of green onion (but not on the 4-yr-old's soup because green onion is a VEGETABLE and that makes him PUKE, remember?!).

15. Cut up your beautiful Won Tons into unrecognizable tiny little bits so that the kids can eat them easily with a spoon. Mutter to yourself that a can of Lipton's Chicken Noodle Soup is 69 friggin' cents...

16. Light a candle, sit down and enjoy watching the kids eat something new. Realize that, all things considered, your Homemade Won Ton soup is really good! Make mental note to buy wine for dinner tomorrow. You're gonna need it!