Culturalizing the Kids, Again

I was feeling restless and irritated and the kids were a little hyperactive, so I decided what we needed was some music to soothe the beasts. I swept all the clutter into the corners and let the moonlight shine in the big window and the livingroom instantly became the family ballroom. I put on my favourite, mellow CD and taught my kids how to slow dance with the largest stuffed animals I could find. You should have seen them out on the livingroom floor, dancing like at a 1950's prom! Each 'couple' had their own uniques style:

THE OLD FRIENDS
Joey and Mommy Duck had a casual chat while on the dancefloor, like two old good friends might do, or a couple that has been married for 40 years. Joey asked the questions of his 'date' and then offered the answers on her behalf in a nasal 'duck-like' voice. He held Mommy Ducks wings around his waist for her, and let her head stare at the ceiling. "Their song" is 'Somewhere Over the Rainbow' by Kylie Minogue.

THE PARTY ANIMALS
Natalie and Snuffy the dog had the most fun. At the slightest rise in tempo or percussion, they were jumping and doing an acro-dance, and Snuffy got his poor stuffed ass thrown in the air repeatedly. He was only caught about 20% of the time, and was stepped on frequently by his partner. But he didn't seem to mind. Their song is 'The One I Love' by David Gray.

THE DON JUAN
Nicky and Precious the giant panda shocked me the most. They were by far the best dancers, and I was alarmed by what a ladies' man Nicky is gonna be. He held the panda in traditional 'waltz' posture, and he had this dreamy, 'you're the only Panda in the world for me' look in his eyes. He took the whole thing very seriously, and if Panda were a real, living breathing girl, she would definately be head-over-heels in love by now. Their song is 'Pull Me Through' by Jim Cuddy. (Click the disc or the player icon to hear it.)

Anyhow, after Natalie and Joey ran away to vandalize the bathroom, I had the dance with Nicky that I had been longing for. I took him in my arms as we danced to 'The Riddle' by Five for Fighting. He rested his head on my shoulder, and was absolutely still except for the wild giggles when we would do an unexpected spin or a dip. And then...oh God...I am not lying here...he put his hands on my cheeks...smiling...he tilted his head...and...oh God...

...he tried to TONGUE me!

Imagine me, half laughing and half screaming in horror and gasping for air and pushing him away and trying to tell him that we don't stick out our tongue out at mommy while thinking what the fuck was that???! Where the heck does a 30-month old learn these things??!!! (Hey, my hubby and I DO NOT to make out around the house - ok, maybe once...but I swear Nicky wasn't paying attention!)

Anyhow, I am gonna take it as a silly funny thing that a loveable preschooler might do as a sign of affection, and not a precursor to a strange and creepy relationship my son will one day have with his mother ala 'Norman Bates'. It wouldn't work out anyways. Our house is only one story, and we don't own a motel.

But I do have a rocking chair...