Thursday, August 31, 2006

Can and Can't

After two highly-medicated weeks flat on my back, I have had a lot of time to think and do a personal inventory. I proudly present to you (cue booming voice):


I can bring home the bacon (usually), fry it up in a pan, and then eat most of it before it hits the table.

I can't watch 2 guys kissing in a movie. I can't. I just CAN'T! I erupt in giggles and hide my face until it goes away. Sorry, I've tried.

I can twist my arms and legs in bizarre and unusual ways because I am "double jointed". I do a mean impression of a person who just fell to their death from a 20 story building.

I can't lose at 'whack-a-mole'. I know, I mentioned this before, but this is a talent that not enough people respect and admire. I am working to change that.

I can watch a movie without ever learning the character's names. It's always "the red haired guy", "the chick with the limp", "the bank-robber guy's kid", etc.

I can't pump my own gas. I used to, but I have since become a cougar and enjoy watching eager 18-yr-olds wait upon my vehicle. I also like my daughter's commentary about the pumper: "that man has pizza on his face", "that man has no hair", "that man's shirt is dirty"!

I can catch a fly with my bare hand. Chalk it up to those lightning-quick, whack-a-mole honed reflexes. (see above)

I can't get a needle without feeling faint. Something about sharp, pointy objects gives me an intense emotional reaction. Strangely, I am compelled to learn archery or fencing. When I was at the Metropolitan Museum of Art in NYC, I stood mesmerized by their sword collection for some time...the security guards were getting edgy.

Ok, so there you have it. Oh, and my apologies to pigs, homosexuals, suicide victims, plastic moles, movie producers, pimply-faced gas pumpers, flies and Met guards everywhere.

Come by and I'll fix you breakfast.


At 10:30 AM , Anonymous Freddy said...

mmmm....bacon......I'm going to have to challenge you to whack-a-mole one day.....I can catch a flies with chopsticks really....just like the Karate Kid!

At 9:16 PM , Blogger Abandoned in Pasadena said...

Well...that was interesting...How many pain killers did you say you took? *ROFLOL*

At 10:09 PM , Blogger Kimberly said...

I don't know what to say except...



what time's brekkie?

At 11:52 AM , Blogger Alipurr said...

tell you what, I'll bring my frying pan and some more bacon, then we can both have some....:)

At 7:56 PM , Blogger Motherkitty said...

Anyone who can twist parts of their body in weird and wonderful ways, and can bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan, has my vote for "most talented." I made BLTs for breakfast today and they were enjoyed by husband and I most assuredly.

I trust with your gay wit that you are:

1) Healed and back to "normal"
2) Bored out of your skull during your recuperation that you can't help but feel "funny"
3) Have too much time on your hands so much amuse us with your assets/deficits (I haven't caught any kind of balls since my kids were teens and would probably end up in the ER if I did)

Anyway, hope you are doing better these days.

At 8:32 PM , Blogger Cat said...

You also forgot to mention that you can make amazing meals using only air and a few pieces of lint, that you can instantly brighten anyone's day with your smile, that you're able to put up with me for 14 years, and that you are the best snuggler in the whole wide universe.


Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home