Friday, September 29, 2006

The RASH Method

Today I was driving to work and pondering heroes. (Book, TV & movie heroes, like Harry Potter and Superman) I started thinking: what if I was approached in downtown Metropolis by three evil flying anti-heros wearing black pleather outfits, would I battle them like Superman did? When cornered in the Department of Mysteries by a crowd of ravenous murdering Voldemort-worshippers, would I take them on single-handedly?

No way.

Franny would RUN AWAY and SCREAM for HELP. (RASH for short.) You do this loudly and with your arms and legs flailing for optimum effect.

I would make a rotten 'fictional hero' because heroes don't use the RASH method. No one wants Batman to say to the Joker, "EEEK, just hold off on the battery acid for a sec, I'm notifying the cops!"

If Harry Potter used the RASH method, the books would be pretty short.

Spiderman would be a bit of a pussy.

Even Hamlet would read differently. Eg:

Hamlet: *running away* mom is a slut and that guy killed my dad and my girlfriend is a depressing psycho! Somebody help me!

Spiderman: You can come hang out with me, heh heh heh...

(Ok, yes I am aware that Spiderman does not appear in Shakespeare. Though I now have an excellent idea for a future blog...)

Ok so my point is, the RASH Method ain't for the 'hero' types, but it can work for us normal folk, in everyday life. Eg:

Get a bad job evaluation? Run away and scream for help!

Car stuck in traffic? Run away and scream for help!

Having trouble 'in the bedroom'? Run away and scream for help! (well, quietly)

Good luck everyone out there, and remember: choosing your battles means RUN AWAY if you're outnumbered.


At 7:09 PM , Blogger Abandoned in Pasadena said...

I'm all for the RASH methold, but there's a problem...I can't run.
Mine would have to be the CASH method...Crawl Away and Scream for Help.

At 1:44 AM , Blogger jellyhead said...

hee hee hee! (still laughing at Sandy's comment, give me a sec here!)

Now Franny, you do NOT strike me as a RASH type. What about the mother wolf post? What about the kindergarten teacher you wanted to egg? Admit it, you would make a smart crack about the leather outfits, kick them in the groin and stalk away muttering about anti-heroes being such pussies these days.

Wouldn't you?!

At 9:23 AM , Blogger Kimberly said...

For every bad thing that has ever happened in your life or the lives of those you love, you are always the first with the master anti-Karmic plan. I don't think you'd maybe confront the situation head on, but you know any one of those villans better start sleeping with one eye open.

I have the perfect super hero name for you:

THE REVENGER, because why get mad, when you can get even!

At 10:29 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are hilarious, and I've only read the 5 blog entries that show up here... but I'll be back.

Arnold.. I mean, Sheila in Ohio

At 5:52 AM , Blogger thisisme said...

I love the RASH method - but I think I'd squeal rather than scream - you know, the girly squeal with flailing arms. And I'm with you on Liam Neeson; no one should be that nice!

At 2:40 PM , Blogger Mark Leslie said...

LOL - I'm dying to read more about the Spider-Man/Hamlet team-up -- it could only be done properly, of course, through your brilliant pen....

At 2:58 PM , Blogger Rainypete said...

I could do with using the RASH method. Instead I wander in guns a blazing. Which would be good if I had guns.....or combat skills........or any inkling of what to do next. Instead I run my mouth until I gag on my sneakers and slink away, defeated again, to plot my revenge.


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