Courage

Things are black and white to children. It simplifies their universe. There is good and there is bad.

In my youth, I used to think that most people could fit into either the "Strong" category or the "Weak" category. The Strong would survive, and to continue to make it in the world, the Weak would have to learn to be Strong or drown in the torrents of pain and manipulation. With Strong came the toughness, the lack of empathy, the "me for myself" mentality. With Weak came the tears, the malaise, the taken advantage of.

But is it possible that there is a third category...one that a lot of the people I know and love fit into. One that I fit into too?

The Weak But Brave.

I guess today I feel a little tired of being called "Strong", as if it is something I was born with, like nice coloured eyes, or having long legs. If I had a dime for every time I've heard "oh, but you've always been the strong one" I would be a rich, rich woman. What if I am not STRONG, but Strength for me is a choice, every day? What if I am scared, worried, overwhelmed and intimidated like everyone else, but go on and go on because I know there has to be a better way? What if I am discouraged and uncertain too, but upon seeing what is right (though it be scary and hard), I do it anyways?

Not because I am strong, but because I am brave?

I want to tell those people who call me "strong" as if it is an insult, that bravery is a badge that you earn, by making the right choices, by using your mind in cooperation with your heart, by learning and by teaching and by listening. I am not just "STRONG". I was not born with it. I have learned to be strong by being brave, no matter how much my tummy flutters and my head aches and my heart skips a beat and I want to cry. I care deeply. Too deeply. That makes me brave. Others depend on me. That too makes me brave. I have become what I am through the fire and through countless mistakes and though struggles to preserve my own dignity.

Lastly, I have stopped buying the whole excuse that one is weak and thats just how they are and why they make the same mistakes over and over again. Weakness is not by birth either. So long as you breathe, you have choices. Bad things just don't happen to you because you are weak, but because you are too much of a coward or too lazy to fight for what is right or to stick up for yourself. Stop lying to yourself that there's nothing you can do, because I can no longer help you if you believe you are, and will always be, weak.

Now that's black and white.